The Time For Truths
by LilyGhost
Summary: Roles are reversed when Stephanie discovers that Ranger needs her to help him get through a bad day. Will she be able to comfort him without getting hurt herself?


**I have updates for all my other stories started that need to be finished, and the rest of Another Day Another Danger to post, but I started this story months ago and back-burnered it to write my holiday stories and recently it's been driving me crazy to finish it, so I decided to take some time to write the last half of it just so it'd leave me alone. It's a little different than what I usually write, but I hope you'll like it anyway. All familiar characters belong to Janet. Any mistakes are mine.**

I shut my computer down and grabbed my bag from the desk drawer. I'd put in my allotted eight hours at Rangeman doing computer work, which consisted mostly of butting into other people's lives instead of them butting into mine. And while it_ is _a nice change for me, I was more than ready to call it a day. I waved goodbye to the guys left manning the monitors and headed to Ranger's office. I was just planning on telling him that I was leaving for the day, but when I opened his partially closed door the rest of the way I saw that he was sitting at his desk with his head tipped back against the chair, eyes closed. I walked in and closed the door behind me.

"Ranger?" I said."Are you all right?" The way he was just sitting there scared me a little.

He opened his eyes, but didn't lift his head."Long day," he said to me, after a tense moment of silence.

"Can I do something to help?" I asked him, knowing I'd do anything to get him out of the mood he seemed to be in.

"I'm fine, Babe," he said. Even though I could tell he was anything but."You heading out?"

"I was," I told him,"but now I'm not so sure I should leave."

"Go on, Steph," he told me."Morelli is probably waiting."

I could hear what I thought was anger in his voice, but I wasn't sure since Ranger had never acted upset when he'd mentioned Joe in the past.

"You know darn well that Joe and I are off again."

"For now," Ranger said.

Forever, I thought, but Ranger didn't need to listen to my problems when he obviously had some of his own today.

"Talk to me, Ranger," I said to him, stepping closer to his desk."You're always there for me, let me be there for you for a change. I know something's wrong, let's go up to seven and you can tell me about it."

Ranger still didn't move beyond opening his eyes and I decided not to give him a choice. I walked around to his chair, grabbed his hand, and started to pull. That finally got a reaction out of him. He picked his head up and looked at me, his lips lifting in the barest hint of a smile. I knew that if he didn't want to come with me, nothing I could have done would have made a difference. But luckily he decided to take me up on my offer to talk.

I kept his hand in mine as we walked to the elevator. We were quiet on the way up to his apartment, and in the time it took us to make it to the couch in Ranger's den. When we were sitting next to each other on it, I refused to stay quiet any longer. I couldn't take seeing Ranger like this. And I planned on helping him through whatever_ this _was.

"Whatever it is, Ranger, you can tell me," I said to him."In fact, I'm not leaving here until you do." Take that, I thought. Stephanie Plum was taking no prisoners tonight. Of course in the back of my mind I had my fingers crossed. If Ranger wanted me gone, my butt would be downstairs in the garage with a Rangeman or two to escort me home.

"Two of the men I trained with were killed today," Ranger said, in a voice that was devoid of emotion.

"Oh God, Ranger! I'm so sorry." I knew it had to be bad if Ranger was this affected by it since Ranger doesn't usually allow his feelings to show."No wonder you're so upset. How did it happen?"

"I can't give details on one of them, but his vehicle hit an IED. And he didn't survive the explosion."

"IED?"

"Improvised Explosive Device."

"Like a homemade bomb?" I asked him.

"Yes."

I didn't want to think about what that meant. In the years I've worked for both Vinnie and Ranger, I've seen firsthand the destruction that's left after a bomb goes off. And thinking of someone Ranger cared about dying that way made both my stomach and heart hurt. I couldn't even begin to imagine what this was doing to him.

"Miller," Ranger said,"Mike Miller was killed in an accident in Oregon where he lived with his wife and two kids."

"He was married?" I asked. For some reason, I thought Ranger's friends would be like him. Single, with no personal ties to anyone.

"Yes. He retired two years ago and got married not long after. The twins came a year later," Ranger said, his mind obviously far away from me and this apartment."He didn't want any part of military life anymore. He'd seen too much and he was burnt out. Mike wanted nothing more than to move back to where he grew up and start a family. And he did only to end up getting killed in a fucking car crash? He deserved_ years _with his family, not _two_ fucking years. Now his kids are going to grow up without him."

I held onto Ranger's hand, I couldn't make this easier for him, but I was going to support him anyway I could.

"Oakley, the man killed by the IED, was on his last tour," Ranger continued."He was due home in March and was ready to follow Mike's example. He'd met a marine one day while he was on leave stateside and he was going to ask her to marry him when he got out for good. Now instead of Oakley presenting her with a box, she's going to have to watch him come home in one."

I felt tears running down my face, but I was forcing myself not to start crying outright. This wasn't about me. I wiped at them and took a deep breath, trying to get my emotions under control. Ranger was speaking matter-of-factly, with only a small undercurrent of bitterness lacing his words. I wasn't like him. My feelings were obvious to anyone who wanted to notice them.

"His name was Oakley?" I asked after a minute.

Some of the tension lessened in his face."Nickname," Ranger said, a slight smile on his lips as he remembered something he'd probably never feel comfortable sharing."His real name was Jackson Tanner."

"How on earth did you get _Oakley_ out of that?"

"He was a sniper," Ranger told me."And he was one of the best that I've ever had the pleasure of serving with. He also lived in Ohio not far from where Annie Oakley was born."

I couldn't stop a strangled sound that was half humor/half sob from escaping."That's awful," I said, shaking my head at him."No fun name for Mike?"

"Babe, he shared his last name with a beer company, the guys in our platoon didn't think he needed a better one. But they did make sure Mike picked up the tab every time we went out for a couple of beers. And Jackson didn't mind his. He was just glad that we called him Oakley instead of Annie," Ranger said."Both of them dying has started me thinking. Miller was living a peaceful life in the same house he grew up in. Nobody was after him. He wasn't getting shot at anymore. And he dies on a backroad in the fucking country at the same time Oakley was driving in a fucking desert half a world away getting blown up by a bomb a teenager could build."

I flinched. I wasn't used to Ranger telling me what was going on with him and this almost no holds barred Ranger was a little shocking.

"Mike and Oakley loved their lives," Ranger went on to say, his voice hard."They did their jobs, no matter how dirty or dangerous it was, but they didn't let it define who they were. And they weren't afraid to fall in love and give up everything they've known for it, either. They were both ready to start over and weren't scared to let someone love them back. Now they're dead. And I'm the one left alive. For what? So I can keep people I don't give a fuck about safe? To keep million dollar homes from being broken into? To get dealers off the street only to have them back on it a day later?"

I didn't like the turn this conversation was starting to take."Ranger ..."

"No, Babe," he said cutting me off,"I know what you're going to say. That I do a lot for everyone, but that's a load of crap. I have a daughter I barely know. You're with Morelli ..."

"No. I'm. Not." I told him, but he wasn't paying any attention to me.

"I interact with my men enough to work with them, but that's the extent of it," he said."I excel at_ everything. _And I've been especially good at keeping people from getting too close to me. And preventing myself from getting close to them."

"Ranger," I said softly,"you're being too hard on yourself." And you're breaking my heart, I thought to myself, but I wasn't about to say that out loud for fear of getting my already bruised heart handed back to me.

"No, Babe," Ranger said,"I'm not being hard enough. You didn't know them. They loved every part of being alive. They were honorable men who were liked by everyone, they were devoted to their women, and Mike was thrilled when he found out that he was going to be a father. He was the kind of dad every kid wants. And now his boys won't even remember what he looked like outside of a picture. Mike was completely out of anything involving the service, and Oakley was well on his way to doing the same. And here I am the lucky sonofabitch with a daughter, a lucrative business, more money than I need, and people who are loyal to me with no real reason to be, still sticking my neck out on the line every day just daring someone to snap it."

I shrank back a little from the rage in his voice."Ranger, stop," I all but begged him."You're really starting to freak me out."

That finally got through to him.

"Sorry, Babe," And he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer."This is hard for me to process. I've done a lot of stupid shit, still do plenty of stupid shit, and I'm still here. And two men who were equally trained died while driving down the street in two separate countries."

"You deserve to be here, Ranger," I said, turning to face him."Just because you lost people that you cared about, doesn't mean you should feel bad about being alive yourself."

"Babe ..."

"No, listen to me. The same could be said about me," I told him."How many times have I screwed up and almost got myself killed because of it? Would you rather it be me who was dead now instead of one of your friends?"

This time, he was the one to flinch.

His arm tightened around me."No."

"You're right," I told him."I didn't know your friends, but if they cared about you at all they wouldn't want you sitting here with a major case of survivor's guilt because no one succeeded in killing you while you were on a mission or driving down Stark Street!" If my voice was a little louder than it needed to be, then he could just deal with it. Just thinking that something could happen to Ranger sent me into a full-blown panic."You may not be close to Julie in the traditional sense, but she shot a guy for you for crissake! Tank would do anything for you. Not just out of respect, but because you're like a brother to him. Ella treats you like you're her own child, and I would walk through fire for you three times if you asked me to. We all love _you_, Ranger. Not your stupid cars, your wallet, or any other dumb reason you can think up. We care about_ you_! And you better not decide to go out and get yourself killed!"

His lips kicked up at the corners. It wasn't much, but just that little movement made the knot in my chest loosen.

"I'm not suicidal, Babe," he said to me.

"Glad to hear it or I'd have to kick your ass."

"I hope you don't have dreams of working a hotline," Ranger said,"because I think you'd lose more people than you'd save."

"I know, that's why I would never consider it," I told him, calming down a little bit more."But I made_ you _feel better, didn't I?"

He kissed the top of my head."Yeah, Babe, you did."

"Seriously, Ranger," I said to him,"what do you need me to do for you here?"

"You've already done it, Steph," he said. The anger was mostly gone, but the sadness wasn't."Today served as a wake up call for me. I finally realized that everything I've done for the last decade, I've done wrong. Or for the wrong reasons."

Now I was curious."Like keeping everyone who loves you at a distance?" I asked, wondering if this would be the moment that changed everything between us.

"Among other things," he said.

"And you're going to start changing things now?"

"We'll see."

Guess he wasn't going to be having any big revelations about _our_ relationship today. He was back to being _my_ Ranger. The man I was used to. The one who was not ready to commit to us. Well Stephanie, you should be used to getting your dreams crushed by now. This discussion was supposed to be for_ Ranger's _benefitnot yours anyway, so grow up and just be happy that he confided in you at all.

"Now I feel better." I told him, covering up my disappointment with humor. My specialty."You're back to not giving a straight answer."

"Thanks, Babe," Ranger said to me, giving me a small smile."I think I just needed to talk about them."

"What are friends for?" I said.

He gave me a hard look."You're more than just a friend, Steph."

I laughed."Yeah, I think there were some benefits thrown in there a time or two."

"Knock it off, Stephanie," he said in a tone I didn't recognize."I'm being serious. Do you think I would have let you drag me up here, and talk about something so personal, if all you were to me was someone to sleep with once in a while?"

"N_ooo_," I said, drawing out the word."That's why I said we were_ friends_. Friends listen and try to help. Isn't that the point of friendship?"

"You can be so naive at times, you know that?"

"Hey!" I said."What the hell is wrong with you? I'm just trying to be here for you any way I can, and you're insulting me?"

"I don't mean to be insulting," Ranger said, calmly. The exact opposite of me at the moment."It just surprises me how unaware you are of the things around you."

I pulled away from him."_Hello_, didn't we just go through this?" I said to him."Stop picking on me!"

Ranger dragged me back against him. I couldn't tell whether it was because he didn't want any distance between us, or because he wanted to make sure I didn't try smacking him. Either one was possible.

"I'm sorry, Babe," Ranger said."I'm not myself tonight."

"Who are you then?" I asked. I'd meant it as a joke, but Ranger took my question literally.

"I'm someone who wants to cut all the crap between us."

"Huh?" I said."We have crap between us?"

"Yes, Babe. We do."

I didn't know if now was the right time to be having this conversation with him.

"Now is probably the _only_ time to have this particular conversation," Ranger said, his ESP clearly working,"before I have a chance to think too much about it."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that, and I didn't know if I wanted to.

"Maybe I should go," I said, trying to pull myself away from him. I didn't think either one of us was up for whatever it was he was about to say.

Like a snake striking, Ranger reached out and grabbed my wrist, stopping me from leaving.

"Babe," he said, his voice serious,"I don't ask a lot of you, but I'm asking you to stay here with me tonight. Tomorrow you can go back to your apartment, or to Morelli, but tonight I want you here with me. And I want you to listen to what it is I have to tell you."

I had to admit that I was a little afraid of what can of worms he was about to open. And my first instinct was to run as fast and as far as I could, but I owed a lot to Ranger. And keeping him company while he worked through some things that have obviously been on his mind was the least I could do. I just hope I don't regret it. If Ranger told me that he didn't want me anymore, I wasn't sure I'd ever get over it. I didn't say it at the time, but he's been more than my friend, too. And I was always hoping for even more, but I'd finally convinced myself that it wasn't going to happen. I swear the emotional seesaw that I've been on since I met him is going to cause the death of one of us very soon.

"Are you sure, Ranger?" I asked him, giving him a way out."You're upset and I don't want you to say something that you'll have to take back in the morning."

"I'm sure, Babe," he said."And I'm not saying anything that I'd regret."

I've never seen these sides of Ranger before. He was slightly antagonistic, a little confrontational, and he wasn't wearing his usual blank face when he talked about what was between us. I was still deciding between cuddling up next to him and running out the door while I still had the chance. In the end, it didn't matter what happened to me, I couldn't turn away from Ranger when he needed me. When had _Ranger_ ever needed _me_ before? Never, I thought. So I told Scaredy-Cat-Stephanie to suck it up and face whatever it was Ranger needed to get off his chest. Of course, saying that to the inner Stephanie was easy but much harder for the outer Stephanie to follow through with. Deep down, though, I knew I'd give Ranger whatever I could tonight. I just prayed that I'd still be in one piece tomorrow.

"Okay," I said, letting out a breath."What is it that I need to hear so badly?"

"I love you, Steph," Ranger said.

"I know that, Ranger," I said to him."You tell me that you love me every time something bad happens. And with me, that means you've said it _a lot_."

"True, Babe, but I mean something else by it."

I'm sure there is a perfectly logical reason why my heart just started pumping three times faster than it had a minute ago. Maybe it was a reminder to schedule a check up with my doctor.

"What else _could_ you mean?" I asked him."You don't want a relationship. You keep telling me how much better Joe is for me, even though we've broken up, and you still won't explain exactly what it is you want from me."

"That's what I'm trying to do, Steph."

"Okay, so you love me," I said, getting a little pissed off myself."The important question, _Batman_, is what are you going to do about it?"

He hadn't let go of my wrist while we argued, and he now used his hold to yank me across the couple of inches I'd put between us and into his lap. His mouth slammed down on mine and he was kissing the hell out of me. I've been kissed by Ranger many times, but never by this almost out of control Ranger. He ended the kiss, but kept his hand in my hair forcing me to meet his dark eyes.

"Would you like me to do more?" He asked, his hand moving from my hair all the way down my body to the hem of my t-shirt.

"Uh-huh," I said to him before I could think it through. And that was all it took to get his arms back around me.

We came together quickly right there on the couch. There was heat, there was passion, but there was also a little bit of fury mixed in. When we were finished, the button on my pants was missing, landing somewhere across the room where Ella would no doubt find it with her vacuum. My bra was ripped. And Ranger's back had crescent-shaped marks from my nails, and most likely a matched set of bruises on his hips from my fingers. It was hot, it was wild, and we'd almost rolled off the couch a time or two before we were left naked, panting in each other's arms. It took me close to ten minutes afterwards just to speak.

"What did that mean to you?" I asked him, looking down into his eyes.

"Everything, Babe," he said. There was no hint at all that he was kidding."How about you?"

"The same," I said."But I think we're going to need to talk about a couple of things a little bit more before we do that again."

Ranger had covered us with the throw that had been on the couch, but that didn't offer much protection for my body or my newly restored hope. I was lying on top of Ranger with nothing but damp skin between us. I couldn't be in a more vulnerable position for a heart to heart, but that couldn't be helped. No matter how perfect this felt between us, I needed to know where we stood before I let myself be happy about what had just taken place.

"This," I said, gesturing between us,"isn't going to be something that you're going to pretend didn't happen tomorrow, is it? Because I deserve better than that."

"Yes, you do, Babe," Ranger said."And I'm glad that you finally see it."

Hey, wasn't he the one that walked away from me the morning after we slept together for the first time?

"I did walk away," Ranger said."But I didn't_ want _to. I_ had _to.

Now I was confused."You _had _to? What the heck does that mean?"

"It means that I would have liked nothing more than to have stayed in your apartment with you, in bed, indefinitely."

I forced the image of how many times I screamed his name in that very bed from my mind. My neck tingle was nothing compared to what Ranger had made the rest of my body do.

"Why didn't you?" I asked."You must have known that I wouldn't have complained about you staying."

Ranger offered me another small smile."You _were_ loud that night, Babe," he said,"but you're right, I didn't hear any complaints."

"So?"

"I know what goes on in my life, and what the woman I'm with would have to put up with. I wouldn't ask that of you unless I knew for sure that you wouldn't buckle under the pressures of it. I love you the way you are, and I don't want you to change that person just to adapt to a life with me. I couldn't live with the thought of being the one responsible for destroying the best part of you. And I was also concerned that you'd run away from me at the first hint of a problem."

Damn. I thought back on the two times I thought about running out of here before we started talking. I wanted Ranger to open up to me, but this may be a case of _be careful what you wish for_. And as much as I hated to admit it, Ranger did have a point. I'd always blamed him for not wanting a serious relationship with me, but maybe he was worried that I couldn't be in one.

"Ranger, I may be tempted to take the easy way out sometimes, but I've never run away from _you. _I don't think that I could," I told him."Okay, there was that time I took off to Point Pleasant during Julie's kidnapping, but that was different. I was running away more from the situation itself. And if you would have given me a chance to prove it, I would have taken you up on it years ago. That's why I couldn't marry Joe. I knew I _could_ walk away from him and not look back. And I have. But I knew I couldn't do that with you. That's why I wasn't willing to act on it unless you were in just as deep. It's kind of scary what I would do for you."

"You don't have to do anything, Babe, except be with me."

"For how long?" I asked."I can't do the casual sleeping together thing anymore. If you're going to let me into your life, it has to be all the way. I know there is stuff you can't tell me about, aspects of your business and what exactly you do for the government, but everything else I want to be included in."

"You don't want to go along with me to a third-world country and eat twigs and berries for a week just to survive?"

"No, thank you," I said with feeling,"but I'd like to be able to ask about your life without feeling like I'm being intrusive."

"You've asked about my sisters before," Ranger pointed out.

"Yeah," I said,"and you barely answered me."

"What else?" Ranger asked.

"I want to spend birthdays and holidays together like normal couples," I said."If you don't want me to meet your family right away, then I'd like to at least spend part of those days with you."

"It isn't easy to open my life up to another person," Ranger said.

I almost snorted at that one."Tell me something I don't know," I said to him."But you're going to have to try. I know I have some things to work on, too. I'm not any better at sharing things, but I'm willing to try because I think we're worth the risk. But you need to think about it carefully. I'm giving you one last chance to back out if you don't think you can make this work. There's real potential for me to get hurt here, and I'm terrified as hell to agree to anything until I'm sure you're just as scared. We could be good together, Ranger, _have_ been good together, but I need to know you're willing meet me halfway. I don't expect this to be easy for either one of us but, as I said before, I'm willing to do anything for you. For us. It doesn't have to be just you against the world anymore unless you want it to be."

"I don't, Steph," Ranger said."If this day has taught me anything, it's that nothing is promised to you. You can play it safe and still end up dead. And you can take risks every single day and up dead, too. They were content with the path they chose with the women they loved, and I owe it to them, and to us, to not throw what we have away again."

That sounded promising, but I needed him to spell it out for me."What exactly are you saying, Ranger?"

"I'm saying that I want to spend whatever time I have left with you."

I studied him for a long moment."You're not dying or anything, are you? You kind of creeped me out with all the death talk earlier."

"No, Babe," Ranger said,"I'm not dying. I'm healthier than you are."

I glared at him.

"Sorry, Steph, but it's true."

"So?" I told him."You don't have to be an ass and point it out." He made up for the dig by sliding his hands down to_ my _ass.

Before my brain started getting fuzzy again, I had to make sure he knew what he signed on for.

"Before your hands go any further," I told him, telling my body to ignore the heat of them,"are you totally, completely, 100% sure about you and me?"

"Babe, you're starting to make me think that _you're _the one not up for it," Ranger said.

"I was in long before I walked into your office," I told him.

"And I've never been_ more _sure about _anything. _Now is there something else you need to know?" Ranger asked."Or are my hands free to wander now?"

"Do you think we should head to the bedroom before they do something to make my legs not work anymore?"

Ranger's lips met mine."We'll go in a minute," he said against them. And then he kissed me. I was right to be concerned about my legs. Ranger had to carry my dead weight to the bedroom an hour later.

Something woke me from what I thought had been a sound sleep a couple of hours later. It took my brain a second to completely wake up and identify what it had been. Ranger's arms were no longer around me. After Ranger had brought me to the bedroom, he had tucked us in and curled his body against my back three seconds before I was comatose. Now he was flat on _his_ back all the way on the other side of the bed. And while he wasn't exactly awake, I could tell that his sleep had been disturbed, too. Just not in the same way as mine. I woke up because I somehow knew Ranger wasn't with me anymore, but Ranger was the one living through whatever hell his nightmare had dragged him into. Watching him, I could almost see it play out. I closed the distance between us and leaned over him, trying to bring him back from it. I could see the finger of his right hand jerk, like it was repeatedly pulling a trigger. His head moved slightly from side to side, and his legs kicked restlessly as he fought his demons. My eyes started stinging, knowing that he was gone somewhere I couldn't reach him.

"Screw that," I said, after a pain-filled groan filled the dark bedroom.

I slid closer to him and started pressing my lips to every inch of skin I could make contact with. His jaw, his lips, his cheeks. I dragged my teeth across the muscles of his chest, just trying to penetrate his dream and make him aware of my presence so he wouldn't be alarmed when he woke up to someone hovering over him. I've heard stories about soldiers waking up swinging if they were jerked from sleep unexpectedly. I wasn't worried so much about that as I was about how Ranger would handle it if he hurt me, even if it had been accidental. But I just couldn't leave him alone to suffer through whatever losing his friends had stirred up in his mind. And I didn't know what else I could do. I slid the sheet off his body and recovered it with mine. I started kissing his lips. Little biting kisses that tugged at the hard line his mouth had become. After a minute, I felt his body go still. I didn't know if I should panic or breathe a sigh of relief. The hand that had been shooting enemies in his sleep tunneled into my curls, keeping my head pressed tightly to his. His lips started kissing me back and I could feel the evidence of just _how _awake he was underneath me. He deepened the kiss as the last of his nightmare was pushed away. I pulled back gently and looked down into his now open eyes.

"Thanks, Babe," he said, his voice ragged from both his dream and his reaction to me.

"Anytime, Ranger," I whispered back."I'll be here for you _anytime_." And I kissed him. He had finally agreed to let me into every part of himself, and his life, and there was no pain that I wouldn't try to spare him in either one.


End file.
